She finished college and at 29 got pregnant with a guy she was dating for a couple months. As is for most infatuation stages, but we truly fell in love with each other, mainly because we are so different from each other, it was exciting. And I wont get the chance to show him that I can and will make the changes I need to be a better person, regardless of what happens with us. Can you see that? He needs to show you that he is actively in therapy. We broke up. Keep smiling even when it hurts. Shes lost mytrust as when I we argued often I begged for never gave her space I kept saying Ill never do it again. He firmly believed that I went to volunteer in a different country to find someone else and leave him. He said they click and have so much in common. To want him? I would guess there was something bad in your background that this triggers.like maybe a parent walking out or something? Words alone wont do it; its actions that matter. Communication was strained and it was like we were walking on eggshells when we were around each other. Matter of fact, i deleted her number from my contact. When I finally realized it was there, I stopped those behaviors. She then, in front of me, sent him a text that said, they couldnt be friends anymore, shes wants her family. Posting selfies all over facebook it looks like something else is going on as if they are dating. Hi Pauline, 1. Hi, i have a girlfriend that ive hurt for a year and a half. By my husband talking to the one hes so called in love with now every day all day on the phone and them spending time together every day is that allowing them to get closer. But we seemed to make up everytime. This article focuses on two people who are genuinely in tune to each other. I find myself cautious about my feelings for him and without him really saying and based on our conversations, I am thinking his feelings are guarded as well. I love this woman with every ounce of my soul. Not really sure what to doI want to keep trying but not sure how to go about it, he needs to talk it all out and get it out to let go of all the anger or try to but he just shuts me out and ignores me for days on end and has an attitude from hellI have said countless times that Im sorry and at times things seem totally normal and others its like weve never shared anything together or been in lovehelp. I have since apologized, and asked for her forgiveness, not asking for an answer, just wanting her to think about it. i found when i was miscarrying that he was lying, pretending to be at work, (he does work 7 days per week and has for over a year, i see the payslips this is a fact). Also, I applaud you for wanting to give a stable home to his children. 3 years later Ive kept it to myself and never told him. It is an awful hurt that comes with this type of break up and I have empathy and can see his point. I only know this because she told me. That is what you need. Something in your past? I now feel un appreciated, alone, unwanted unloved and betrayed and yet I still love her and though she doesnt believe me, I tell her the easiest part of moving on his forgiving her, but that we need help if we truly want to get thru this. So we stayed together again, and talked about counseling but we never went through on the idea. Here is a list of crisis resources that may be helpful: d do how can i behaved different? Im so lost. He than confessed to have very strong feelings for the band singer. I dont think you can talk someone into loving you or reason with someone to have feelings for you. She wanted to interview for it and asked me to take off 3 days from work so she could drive up to do so. I never cheated. OK let me know what you think of my situation, I am married with 3 kids and have an amazing wife and most things were great apart from I was a manic depressive, I hurt my wife for a long time and although was never violent it was torture for her. She keeps them bottled in. But she told me shes now living with a woman (good Samaritan) who have her basement in her place but the place need fixing. She has felt like this for about 3 years but was afraid to tell me. Im lost and Im dying inside. She spoke to her mum asking if it was normal thing putting it towards wedding jitters. Nevertheless, if you can look at this situation objectively, you might be able to salvage it. He can do far better than me. He could sleep with all the women he wants as he probably is doing right now but Ill love him still. This also bothers me. Hes actually more selfish than I realized. He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. Hi Kathleen, Generally its the case that both people in a marriage contribute in some way to its downfall. It was a disaster. Since then, they no longer talk. It outlined all of his feelings around the betrayal, even acknowledgement of his part in rejecting me. He informed me that he wasnt truly into me at that time and even though he was the first person to say I Love You he admitted that he didnt truly love me until after all the messages to other girls as he realised it was wrong and he wanted to be with me. 5: Another idea among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to do something that will make her laugh I am so upset and I dont even know what can I do. I have been with my bf for 7 years. I do still love her and know she talks and is seeing other people and Im stuck waiting for her. Yes, please address this issue of emotional intimacy with someone outside of our relationships with our partners. but dr. i understand and know how he feels . Then texts 20mins later saying she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. Often we go into a relationship looking for all the validation, nurturing, warmth and support that parents didnt give us. Not 10 words were shared between them & I didnt get out of the car other than to change seats so my husband could drive us home. Having an actual "we-spend-time-together" relationship with another person on the basis of love (romantic love, friendship love, parental love) requires giving up a little of your autonomy and personal freedom. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 and a half years when I was anonymously sent a link to an ad he posted in the personals section looking for casual sex. The kind of trust and respect we had is something that neither of us had ever had with anyone before and is devastating to lose. There was a week or two where it was constant talking about it. Thank you. I have never wanted to fight for something more in my life as our relationship was close to perfect. I was angry at her at first then went to begging all in the course of the same day. I have started therapy again to work on my reactivity, negative thoughts and communication skills, but we are in the thick of it now. But I love him I do, I devoted so much time money and energy into this and I of t want it to go to waste, he says he wants to show me how he would change he keeps asking me to come back there not realizing I would go crazy because you did things with her in the same bed and same room I would be in, I told him I cant I would be too uncomfortable I told him to come here and hes coming he spent 700+ to come here for four days to come see me to prove to me hes going to change and that this will never happen again but I dont know how hes going to do that I. Like this that I dont know what to do. However, after that I developed some major trust issues. Goes he share productive quality time with them? She wants to see other people for now and hopefully in two years when things settle down and we can both get on our feet we can see where we in life and get back together. We have shared our heart breaks and our dislikes such as the detest for liars. No arguments, just love and support. I said if its that hopeless why doesnt she say her finally good bye to me. I dont know what to do anymore!!!! Although I have valid reasons for it he could not give me a good enough reason except for his own selfishness. She is the only woman I have ever wanted to grow old with, and she is telling me that she might not want that anymore. What I need is for my husband to make the necessary changes and prove he means them rather than begging and pleading with me for me to love him. He of course made lies saying they saved on his phone and that his friend Rick had sent the message. This, too, is a lot of work. I dont know if I should be patient or if I have to do something drastic to save the relationship. He says it is not because of a nother woman but I cant imagine why he would feel the need to move out after two weeks of living together again. Im so confused, lonely and lost right now. Its easy to see when people are lying. He is being patient with me as I battle these emotions that he has created. It hurt so much, but I understand seeing from her point of view, and know that she has had past experiences of men leaving her throughout her life, as her father left her when she was younger. [And BTW, controlling people often do lack them; that is why they resort to pressuring others.] Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I will always regret the way I left her by herself back home, sacrificing all the things about her I truly love for my own self absorbed adventure, but hey, were young and we need to live our lives a little right? We are due to go counselling very soon but her heart is not in it and I fear my actions have lost me my wife. Dont start yelling because they do. I do love him and I know it hurt him, but i still want to fight for us. This person is tasked with the challenge of getting each of you to open up your deepest (positive) feelings but also your fears, anxieties, all of it. It can be broken, it can be buried, but it never goes away. I just dont understand her anymore. It was as if I wanted her but wanted to still be the lazy guy. One morning while waiting for the school bus to come and pick up my daughter, she came outside swearing at me that we clearly missed the bus and told me to start acting like an adult. But he made it all about him and so are you now, too. If someone lacks something that you think is important, such as insight, as well as thinking people are out to get him, what you call very ignorant, then how in the world can you really love THEM?? I dont know how to get past this second betrayal so soon on the heals of the first. Cheating so many times is saying, I am not worth more than that. You are degrading yourself therapy will help you not only uncover why, but give you tools to rebuild yourself. Even though i knew him. She is my first real long term relationship but its mainly because Im very specific on who I want to give myself too. A few hours later we left the workshop & came home. Look how youre acting. Four months after his incident, and we are now trying to forgive each other and start a fresh relationship but I still carry resentment. Is It normal to put up barriers to feel nothing and to cut people out of your life? I asked is there still a reason for me to be here and keep trying, she told me she has no comment on that. I have tried to reassure her by telling her I would never bring this issue up again. Curiosity got the better of me and I went through it (something Id never done before). for some people who aredifferent, they are emotionally built differently and they cannot just move on and the pain remains with them for ever. With a little insight, you can easily tell whether someone is a soulmate or a twin flame. She wanted to leave me and our two dogs behind. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Is it wrong for partner one to just be done. He needs specialized counseling for sex addiction. It sounds also like you are blessed with a caring and loving husband. That sent her over the edge. I find myself very hyper-sensitive when questioned by her as I feel I should not have to tell her everything I do or think or say to other people, maybe she is just asking out of curiosity but I dont like being questionedI had enough of it from the time before, how do I move past this??? I remained calm and called him the next day asking why he continuously lies to me and what I do to deserve it, I also told him that I am over the bull crap and if he isnt happy with what he has at home and wants to live the life of a single man then he should tell me right now so we can both move on, I was more angry than hurt this time. I suppose I deserve it though. We fell in love and she broke from those two relationships, but I think I must have harbored resentment from that dificult transition that took a year, because our relationship has been stressed. But even ignoring a spouse when he or she is talking is betrayal. Well, I did worry and it put a breach between us. I felt I could trust her enough to give her the chance to show me if this was going to be different. Now that I have worked through my issues that were preventing me from committing to him, and I see how much i truly love him, I am afraid he will not feel the same way about me anymore. Partner one fell out of love and no longer felt intimacy for a couple years. Thank you, Team for keeping an eye out here. We are still in contact, but its been over a week and Im trying so hard. so for her to say a matter of hours later its over came completely out of the blue! When we hate someone, we are more likely to wish they would suffer or at least change who they are. I tried using that. He slowly opened back up to me and after 4 months I got a I love you from him, which frankly shocked me into speechlessness. Dr Deb I feel like running away. Hi Helen, She is taking Prozac for anxiety and she has ADD. Boy, God just does His thing, doesnt He? I think the whole problem is that I am not patient enough and am constantly checking in with her too see if progress is being made. Im seriously trying to get my life sorted out but I know that its not going to be a quick fix. His response to my asking why he couldnt make one of those phone calls in front of me is that He didnt have the courage to talk to her in my presence. The first time I found out he begged for me to take him back. I have said everything multiple times and get no response. Is he happy? That is totally understandable but not healthy and not fair. When the time came to do all this we ended up having some problemsfor one, the camera did not record like planned so that part of my husbands fantasy to watch that was ruinedand on top of that the man that I was with had a little much to drink before all this started so it took a lot longer than we had planned And I realized how long it was taking but I didnt take the initiative to do something to stop itI wanted to.. 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