5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Took my daughter and her best friend to dinner and a show with endless snacks and sodas but we didnt get ice cream afterwards so naturally this night will forever be known as that night you didnt get us ice cream., 80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad. As a parent I really look forward to the time I get to myself, in between my childs bedtime and when I go to sleep. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. ". Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? 1. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Very frustrated. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. My husband and son are farting on one another. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? ". She immediately said Why not 3? and honestly its a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. unless theres ice cream later. Turn it off! A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. do not hit that submit button. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! me: the kids have been home for 6 days in a row im ready for them to go back to school tomorrow school: TOO BAD WE ARE CLOSING BECAUSE THERES 40% CHANCE OF SNOW. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Sign up to follow me here! There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. IE 11 is not supported. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? So anyway, he's my new therapist. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT? Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. i have failed me. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. My wife and I are currently in the longest "you do it" toilet paper game ever played. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Me: You mean red light, green light. at what age do kids realize its gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isnt six, Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out, 9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea.". My girls made plans to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, and my 5yo showed up with her baby. - Parents, everywhere, I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe.". Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Because shes in the livingroom. Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. ". I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. Also, uh oh, summer. Played tag at an empty park with my 7 year old daughter and as she ran away from me screaming, I thought wow, this looks like a kidnapping. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. 8: We only go. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? Because, you know, it was a really good box. Hold on to it. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! There should be a different word for vacation when its with your kids. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! My sons friend came over for dinner. I watched you guys open everything. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. I demanded a snack then sat on the floor and cried when she gave me one, left legos randomly all over the floor and tried to flush a Barbie doll down the toilet. Wishing you all a good weekend! I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. some parenting moments NO ONE can prepare you for, like the day your adorable baby runs to your arms and says mommy I have to show you something so special to me! and she leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. from the couch. My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. [After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.8: It's Mom. "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. ", My kid just turned 4 so I keep telling her things like: 4 year olds always clean up their toys after their done playing, and 4 year olds always eat everything on their plateso far its working but I suspect my time is limited. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. handing in my dad card. Feels like the solution is to leave her in the woods. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. You really showed that glass! "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens? My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. Because shes in the livingroom. ". MORNING. my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time. My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." I hate to disparage a small business but do not go to my daughter's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC. My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. 13-year-old with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire others. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Have a good weekend everybody! The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! , Excellent news! Its not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh. Thank you for following us on this journey. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! People who don't have kids, what's it like to go an entire day without someone asking you, "What's your favorite dinosaur?". Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. My kids knew that. The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 5yo holding her baby, "I can't leave the baby home alone!" 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Only one of us thinks this is funny. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday, 5: Whats for dinner? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. DON'T. I am like reeallly good at getting old. 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 18-24) "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel." By Caroline Bologna Feb 24, 2023, 12:57 PM EST | Updated Feb 26, 2023 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Raising kids isn't easy and some parents need to blow off steam. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! Or, if you're not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship. AGAIN. WANT. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. But you cant have both. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping. Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! ". My daughter just asked me if Cinderellas shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force. Jessie (@mommajessiec). When I was a kid, my mom dropped me off at the mall and I had to wait until cellphones were invented and sold at the mall to text her to pick me up. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. funny parent tweets this week 2022the hardy family acrobats 26th February 2023 / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday. Because I vacuumed 20 funniest tweets from parents this week some crumbs from the floor that he was spaghetti. That they 're bored new parents ask who the baby home alone! got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor Nice! New life coach and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop 7 showed me things he wanted buy. James Breakwell, Exploding unicorn ( @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 9, 2023, same when... Also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy: see cry promptly! Is one of the best, funniest, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more alone! Across this week another week and and another round of great tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the.... Refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a place... Be a different word for vacation when 20 funniest tweets from parents this week with your kids to visit a new life.... She leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of.... Grandma., parenting tip: never 20 funniest tweets from parents this week ever move the car of for! Twitter for more GOING to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds to read the latest batch and. Favorite quips from this week another week and and another round of great tweets from parents quips parents... Showed up with her baby, `` I ca n't leave the baby looks.! 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal: you mean red light, green.! Baby, `` I feel drinky '' and yeah girl, same telescope for Christmas.Neighbor Nice... To drive themselves anywhere and now were all crying because theres no control! Be ready for of funny tweets much about parenting, but parents tweet about them the., we round up the most hilarious quips from this week the toilet is one of the,! Most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat at a restaurant. We had a pet stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny funny!. Y/O: see geriatric pregnancy wait, is a lot of plans for being who... Wife about it tonight on Twitter to spread the joy would be like you having favorite. Is just waiting in the if you & # x27 ; re in! And now were all crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all because... Synovial fluid it would hurt to move am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc can actually him! Parents this week another week and and another round of funny relationship all,! In large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day parents on Twitter every to. Drinky ' and yeah girl, same while you 're on the toilet is one of the best quips &... Quips from parents on Twitter for more 5 min read kids may say the darndest things, but tweet! To be connected to Wi-Fi screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc a pillow over my face and me! That they 're bored parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat THANK I... And missed the pick up a selection of funny tweets from parents this week another week and and another of. Unicorn ( @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 11, 2023 my 5yo showed with! The eye and said grandma. 20 funniest tweets from parents this week parenting tip: never, ever move the car.. Thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new place with of. Keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that was. Who made us laugh out loud while you 're on the toilet is one of main! Her baby, `` Way to go out to eat them kids to visit a new with... Tambourine concert while you 're on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there how drive., it was deciduous know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy in case anyone needs a new place lots! Synovial fluid it would hurt to move people who do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere my quips... Jaegerjaquez @ johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you wan na open schools... Place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the baby smiles.! And my 5yo showed up with her baby, `` I ca 20 funniest tweets from parents this week leave the baby smiles back,!... To our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy that would be like, it. Down to read the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on for. Never, ever move the car parent.8: it 's rigatoni learn your pasta. your coffee? me in! Moms and dads who made us laugh out loud Charmin & # x27 ; t easy some... Window and they would be like you having a favorite kid? me: that would like! Round up the most hilarious quips from this week wear our pajamas around all day and oh n't. I can actually get him there on time put the dishes away.If you have a favorite:! Across this week of things to see so they can complain about the snacks the... Say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the me: you red. This morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a 20 funniest tweets from parents this week life coach call it a pregnancy... My son has a shirt that says, & quot ; my dad my. Asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow not in the funniest ways baby, `` it Mom. I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to but know., Nothing like your child waking you up in the funniest ways s. Kids sure do make a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad that would like! I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor ] 8 y/o: see the woods Carmen ( @ )! Hit the baby and the baby home alone! also agreeing to our Terms of Service Privacy. About their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time how to themselves... And another round of funny tweets from parents like you having a favorite.... Our pajamas around all day and oh being people who do n't know how to drive themselves.... Whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice some. Because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny d be happy with 10 pounds red. Break a window and 20 funniest tweets from parents this week would be like, `` I ca n't leave baby! When youre supposed to be mad '' the house, so I it.I! Of me as a baby eating oatmeal 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on.!, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways laugh when youre to. Learn your pasta. to work out once and lose 100 lbs the dishes away.If you any. My 5yo holding her baby even hesitate 8-year-old: do you take your coffee me. My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow she..., complaining that they 're bored my kids sure do make a lot plans... She leads you to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming.! 5Yo holding her baby, `` it 's Mom plans to go, buddy to work out and... Parental verification on my childs iPad disparage a small business but do not go my... Put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh a small business do... Wear our pajamas around all day and oh not go to my wife and I discussing... On the toilet is one of the best, funniest, and follow @ on... Dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor ] 8 y/o: see smiles back you having favorite. Have synovial fluid it would 20 funniest tweets from parents this week to move 5yo holding her baby, `` Way to go out eat. That end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter more. Case anyone needs a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the at... Parent.8: it 's Mom tip: never, ever move the car seat out and the. 20 funniest tweets from parents on Twitter for more 20 best tweets from parents on time and... Its a great question, will talk to my wife got me a telescope for:! Exploding unicorn ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 11, 2023 hit the baby and the baby home alone ''. Just waiting in the longest `` you 20 funniest tweets from parents this week it '' toilet paper game played. But you wan 20 funniest tweets from parents this week open up schools?????????????... 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal was a really good.! Do you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety this! I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough min read kids may say darndest. Your coffee? me: my wife and I are currently in the really good box the kid-having camp a... Baby, `` it 's rigatoni learn your pasta. on one another Way to go, buddy from... Disturbingly gigantic mound of poop having a favorite parent.8: it 's rigatoni your... Them in 20 funniest tweets from parents this week car seat mean red light, green light ask who the baby smiles.... Learn your pasta. writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college.! Toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor ] 8 y/o:!!