Due to circumstances he began to earn at the age of 6. Help Your Husband Look at Things From A Different Perspective. My parents are threatening divorceam I being punished for my haram relationship? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Hear me out on this. Im fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. As his wife, you could have been devastated by this decision but your husband chooses his family over you and tells you, looking after his family is his duty and you have to accept that since you are married to him. Hes the one who has the power to start working on himself. It might be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation about how much time you are willing to spend with his family. Dont let your anger turn into resentment. Ask him if he does not like your suggestion; to at least discuss with you why he does not agree. All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. Work on the issue together as a team, but be sure to give him the latitude to realize he needs to shift his priorities. Required fields are marked *. Its fine for him to enjoy spending time with his family most of us do but its important for him to also enjoy spending time with you, alone or with your children, doing things that couples and families do together. She supports him financially and in return, he chooses her over you, your children, and anyone else. Sit with your husband and work out a budget as to how much should go to your husbands family and how much should be kept for your own. But if you have a discussion with him and tell him how you feel, then both of you could sit together and work a way out. My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. You married a typical desi backward culture where the bride has to be a servant to his family, and the husband will be a mamas boy and give all his attention and earning to his family. So most often what happens is the husband keeps fulfilling the financial and psychological needs of his family and the wife and his own children are often asked to compromise. Your feelings havent been a priority to him for a long time and that has to change now. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Instead, consider it a way of filling up the time when your husband is unavailable to you by surrounding yourself with people you love. Just because you feel neglected and want him to ignore his family for the rest of his life, doesnt mean he has to accept that. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Professional help might be required to shift his perspective from that of eternal adolescence to fully independent adulthood. So, next time he chooses to spend a bit more time with his father than with you and chooses to go golfing with him, chances are hes doing it because he wants to satisfy his father and keep the peace between you. As a consequence, your man spent a significant amount of time with his family, be it family dinners, gatherings, or game nights. Lets take a look at possible reasons why your husband chooses his family over you. You can always tell your partner that you want to have a family dinner at your house that includes only the two of you. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. I have maximize the story as much as possible. First, you have to talk to him before making a final decision that has an impact on both of you. But dont let those feelings turn into resentment. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? Well, those moms have a difficult time seeing their sons grow up. Yes, that includes your spouses attachment to his family. Remember, youre a team and you can only solve this problem if you stick together. Happy Marriage is Just a Myth Watch on To get yourself heard, understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. Instead, hell understand why you feel that way and try his best to change for the better. It can seem like an insurmountable situation when your husband chooses his parents and family over you. It involves putting across your message in a clearer and confident way. If you see that most of your husbands income is given away to his parents for the upkeep of their home and you are left struggling with the finances at the end of the month, then it becomes really frustrating. Still not sure what to do about your husband taking the side of his family over you? Whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, her consent must be obtained before her father or guardian can act on her behalf in any marriage contract. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. Of course, theyre important to him. In those situations, its always difficult to take sides when some major or minor conflicts happen. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah. I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, He is honestly not in my heart at all, as my parents forced me, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband. You have dont nothing wrong. But dont do it with a sense of vengeance or to get back at him. Men are mysterious creatures and mostly they keep things for themselves. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. You and your partner must put in an equal amount of effort, propose solutions, and have each others backs no matter what. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Theres no shame in getting help from a trained relationship counselor (either by yourself or with your partner) who can listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice to navigate your way through the issue. He lacks of interest, love, romance, and sexual desires. Sadly, many women believe that they can read their partners minds. This page contains affiliate links. Sister, it is important to realize that we often react to our environment and get excessively emotional. And your husband ends up giving more importance to that because that is what he has been used to seeing in his family. Therefore,practice assertiveness when it comes to communication. Assertiveness entails that you use I statements. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Do you want to stay in this marriage, knowing full well that youll never be treated with proper respect and appreciation, always being second (third, fourth) behind your husbands family members? In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. My Istikhara came out as yes, but I dont like him! A caring son could also mean a caring husband. Married life is frequently used as a benchmark for true adulthood, however malleable that concept might be, and that means that it . This could get really annoying because this is one of the tell-tale signs your husband puts his family first. Most of the time he is not realizing the pressures he is putting on his wife by having an entourage of relatives always at home. Copyright IslamWeb 2023. Things will only get worse if you let your hurt feelings turn toxic. He was treating me as his maid. The purpose of doing this is that she wants my husband to earn and give the spendings to his family how he was doing before. Did you go for couple counselling? Also, gifting them would usually remove hatred from their hearts. Nonetheless, you should not hasten to it unless it becomes clear to you that it is the best solution. You have the right to make your own decisions. If i defend my self my rights i am wrong rude. But what ever they buy its none of my business. Understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. Thats no way to have a healthy marriage. And as time passes, you start to feel your spouse neglecting you, whether that be financially, mentally, or whatever. Because marriage isnt about who is wrong and who is right. 17/02/2020. It requires you to have a lot of understanding and compassion. That, above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. That way there is no misunderstanding and festering. For those couples, the next step is either finding their own apartment and paying rent or living in the same house as their in-laws. The family youre creating together has to take precedence over the one he had before. This is the kind of relationship where his mother smothers him with calls and text messages and hes always there to answer them. Were all aware of how tough it can be to know whats going on inside a mans head. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your distress, make a way out to your difficulty, and rectify your husband and your marital relation with him on the one hand, and your relations with your in-laws on the other hand as Allaah is the All-Hearer and He answers supplications. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. He has to improve to be a better husband to you and not the other way around. The 2nd elder sister is the one who got married first and my husband was brought up with the help of her when he was small. He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. Even if there's any wrong going on he takes his family side. Instead, show compassion and understanding. He has to want it. His family doesnt follow shariah nor in to deen and he doesnt tell thrm anything but tells me i am not a good muslim. Some people might be absolutely okay with older family members making decisions for them and ruling their lives so they dont have to adult, but if one of you is okay with this and the other isnt, then theres going to be conflict. It makes you feel worthless and like you have to compete with his family for his attention. And the same thing applies to every issue that you might face in the future. Manage Settings While youre dealing with this issue, make your self-care an absolute priority. This is something that may require the two of you to go to therapy together. Tell your husband that if you are traveling twice a year let one be with his family and the other one be with his wife and kids. Do not build resentment over this. I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. Make a list of everything that his family members do that hurts or disrespects you, and address them with your husband. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. Due to circumstances he began to earn at the age of 6. Related Reading: Setting Boundaries With In-laws 8 No Fail Tips. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. 4. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care ofI'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. Be careful to always approach him with respect and try to be patient. You two are a united team in a world that can be incredibly difficult and hostile to negotiate. He compares your cooking to her cooking. Basically, by behaving the way hes doing now, hes in breach of contract. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! Then, with this limit in mind, you can better schedule that time so that it covers all the most important gatherings. Time and that has an impact on both of you to have difficult. Sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family members do hurts! He already has a wife partners minds him for a long time that. But dont do it with a sense of vengeance or to get heard... Many women believe that they can read their partners minds Istikhara came out as yes, that only... And comforts, the craziness and calm important gatherings confident way malleable that concept be... Now, hes in breach of contract address them with your relationship ( Cut out... And your relationship ( Cut it out sons grow up neglecting you, whether that be financially mentally. 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